Sunday 21 October 2012

"Society doesn't make us feel good about ourselves." ~ Tuesdays with Morrie.

Since I know this is true, then why do I still feel as though there is more to do, to be, to think, to get, to lose... you get the picture.  We are never enough, tall enough, thin enough, not organic enough, to much fat, not enough time, to much time, to much traffic, not enough spice, not romantic enough, not polite, to much glam, not enough glitter.  Wow... a world where we are never enough or we are to much.  Nothing can be just right.  MacDonalds, Starbucks, Johnson and Johnson, Coke, American Eagle, Vogue.. all companies that feed on us not being enough so we need them to feel better about our selves.  I will eat my way to happiness, then I need a latte to be like others. Then it's time to wash and clean with the right products so that my skin is feeling soft and smooth.  Hold on a second, but I need that Coke (another one), not because my friends drink coke (like back in high school), but because I am addicted to Coke.  Then,  have to wear the brand name so I am someone.  And, while I have that skinny latte, I want to be seen in the coffee shop, with my cool friends, reading a magazine that will make me feel like shit, so then I have to eat the burger to feel better, find more clothes to satisfy the crowd and purchase the latest and greatest cell phone so I can connect with all my 845 friends all the time through likeing, tweeting and pinning.

Society does nothing to make me feel good about my self.  And, now that society has me, it works even harder to make me feel worse so that I keep buying and medicating my self to happiness.

Well folks, I am done!!!!!  

More to come....

Saturday 6 October 2012

It's been an interesting day. A day full of God incidences.  I went to a Celebrate Recovery meeting.  I have been to a handful of these meetings over the past few years.  Tonight's meeting was a little different.  I was broken.  I grieved.  I felt the loss of my ex husband.  I didn't want to leave the relationship, but I had no choice.... it was finally time.  Finally time to take care of me.  Little did I know what the next three years was going to bring.
Today is a gorgeous day.  The sun is shining, the air is crisp and the colours of the trees are fantastic.  God is good.  I prayed this morning.  The first time in a long long time.  It was hard to pray. I am not sure why that is so.  I feel as though it is difficult to take the time to speak to God.  Maybe it's because I don't like to ask for something and not have it happen.

I have spend a life time asking for love, to be noticed, accepted or at least acknowledge that I exist to no avail.  I am having difficulties letting go of my parents.  They have never been there for me and are not there for me now.  I am at my bottom in terms of my illness.  No one is showing up.

All I have is God, and apparently  that is all that I need.

Thank you God for your glory!

Wednesday 26 September 2012

Welcome,

It's 11:00 pm and I am tired of being tired.  I am tired of fighting this battle.  It's time I start to change my thinking, change the way I act and react.  It's time to take care of my self, to meet my needs, to feed my soul and allow by body and mind to heal.

I begin this journey be creating a new way of living.  What ever I have been doing for 38 years has not worked, so its time to discover who I am.  Actually, who ever I am, I am here.  I don't have to go looking for me, because, I am here, right now.  So, there lies my first problem.  I am trying to solve my problem by looking out there when the solution is already here, within me.

So, here we go.  On a journey of recovery and discovery.  Hope you enjoy the ride.  It's gonna get pretty messy at times, however, over time, there will be less of a mess to clean up, and much more joy present.  My journey begins.  My journey has begun.  God is with me.  God is so distant at the moment.  Not sure where He is, however, He knows exactly where He is and He knows where I am and where I am going.  I wish I knew what his plans were for me.  Don't we all!!!

Let's get going here folks!!!

Fasten your seat belt, get out the tissue and running shoes, our training begins.  My journey starts.  A new chapter is being written now!!!